Final pictures..
Well. Today has been tough. I truely feel guilty. But about yesterday. My mom had called and told me he wasn't realy moving well and wasn't getting up to use the litter box. I told her to take towels and such and out them in the bathtub and lie him in there. She did with food and water too. When i got there i said hi he looked up all bright eyed and wimpered then purred. I cleaned up the gunk around his eyes and such. I wrapped him in towels like a baby and took him to the vet. I knew when i saw him. I also needed to hold him and the carier is so impersonal at times. He did move to try to look out the window in the car. My mom help him why I drove. When i carried him in he just looked around and purred and suggled as I scratched him. Anyone who looked over toward him knew he was sick. The dr came out of the room before we went over and looked over , I saw the look on his face. I think he knew what was going to happen in his next apt. we got into the room I got him comfy on the table and he tried to move and was so wobly he almost fell off. The nurse saw this as well. The Dr and nurse were awsome. He felt around looked at his gums and such. Said his rt kidney is very inflamed. We can do blood work but.. It would just be for you confirmation. I had read online about some of his symptoms and that was what I read. The kidney stuff. So I said, no we should just put him down. I did ask if there was anything to be done and he was like" a kidney transplant" But i knew there was nothing. So I signed the papers and did all the lovely things. The vet gave hom some very yummy wet food for a treat/ last meal while I took care of the paperwork outside. I had them wait till I was in the room to give the shot. Normally they do I IV in the arm. With butterscotch being dehydrated they couldnt. They gave hom a shot in the tummy. Normally withing 5-10 min the animal is gone. They go to sleep first because of the anistesia then just pass. So they gave him the shot and he started to purr realy loud. he had been quiet up until then in the office room. So I held him and said I am sorry and i loved him and he fell asleep. The dr kept checking on him and I could see him breathe. After about 10 min he had me put him on the table snf listen to his heart. It was still beating. So he gave him another shot. about 5 or so minutes later he was gone. I knew it too. I knew when it was over. The dr came ack in and I said " he's gone" he said you are right.
He and the nurse also said I did the right thing. It was brave of me to stay with him till the end. And it was nice that I did it. I now feel a little guilty. Did the first shot not work because he knew he could fight more. Was he fighting it. or was it him. These are the pictures I took before we went to the vet yesterday. I do miss him. I am planning on doing a rainbow bridge site this weekend. Also Frisky and I talked. He was watching Butterscotch in the tub just sitting guard till I got there. He said Butterscotch was in pain, and was happy to be going with me. We also talked about the blog. Frisky wasn't sure what is was but said he would like to try it. ALso he has the old cell phone too. So I will try and revamp the blog this weekend as well. It is hard....
Thanks to everyone for the thoughts and purrs. It means a ton to me...
20 Comments:
At 5:17 PM, Fat Eric said…
Dear Karen
Again, I am so sorry for your loss. We lost Fat Eric's ginger sister 2 and a half years ago and she was so ill in the last few days, there was no real choice to be made, so I do know how it feels. I am currently redesigning the Gorgeous Gingers page to make a special area for those gingers who have gone to the Bridge recently. I would like to add Butterscotch and will link his picture to his Rainbow Bridge page when it is up.
At 6:35 PM, Big Piney Woods Cats said…
We agree with Fat Eric and The Zoo, Karen... he wasn't well and needed help to be free of sickness and pain. He looked to you for that and you did what you needed to do for HIM....it isnt always what WE want, but out of love....we let them go. He is happy now.
CalicoMom Toni
At 7:13 PM, The Meezers or Billy said…
Karen - The Zoo is right - you will feel guilty forever, but there is not a thing to feel guilty about. Sometimes I feel guilty that I could not get Ralph to the vet in time to be put to sleep, because he was in some pain, but I think it everything happened they way he wanted them to happen. My vet said that often times, if they can't do the IV, the first shot doesn't work as it should, so don't feel guilty about that. Butterscotch knew that you were with him, and he felt your presence until the end - and you made his passing peaceful. We will always think of the "what ifs" but you absolutely did the right thing. From his last pictures, he looked just like Norton did the day before he passed. It was his time. Please post his Rainbow Bridge URL so that Sammy and Miles and I can visit it. We are glad that Frisky would like to try blogging. Take care and if you need a shoulder to cry on, send me an email. - Meezer Mom Mary
At 7:32 PM, KC and the Giggleman Kitties said…
Dear Karen,
Yes, you will feel guilty, but eventually you will realize that there was no other choice.
From reading your description of what happened, Butterscotch knew it was time. Maybe that's why he started to purr so loudly after the first shot. Perhaps he was getting relief from the pain, and knew he was going home, free from all pain, to wait for you.
We rationalize that they could go on, but face it, that's just for us. And at a cost to them, a cost of pain and suffering. And they will force themselves to continue for our sake.
We don't want to be without them -- I know my pets are like a part of me. But you did the right thing for Butterscotch, to let him go, free of pain and suffering. It is a very brave thing and very unselfish when everything inside of you is screaming not to let him go.
God Bless you,
ML (Mary Lynn)
(KC's allowed me to use her computer!)
At 7:57 PM, Just Ducky said…
Mum has big leaky eyes again. You did right by Butterscotch and were furry brave to stay with him.
Take your time with the blog. Do it when it feels right to you.
Derby and Mum.
At 8:03 PM, Leona said…
We heard about Butterscotch from The Zoo and wanted to stop by and offer our condolences. Your decision to put Butterscotch down came out of love and respect for him. There was no other choice. It is always hard to lose a pet. He had a wonderful life because of you and that is all that matters.
Our thoughts are with you.
At 9:23 PM, Edsel/The Pooch said…
hi Karen. we read about Butterscotch at the Zoo also. we are so sorry you lost him. but please feel good that you were with him so he wouldn't be afraid and that is the greatest gift you could give him. don't feel guilty. he knew, without a doubt, that you loved him then and still love him now.
Edsel and Edselsmom
At 11:20 PM, Smeagol and Strider, Mystery (Sunnin' at the Bridge) and Gizmo too! said…
Please don't feel guilty, you did the right thing for him. He loves you for it and he knows you love him. You were furry strong and brave to stay with him. Purrs to you.
At 11:50 PM, Hot(M)BC said…
Dear Karen,
Saving a loved one from pain when you see death coming for them is not something to feel guilty about. I know exactly the look you mean. I saw it so clearly with our cat Chloe, who also had kidney failure at the end. She still tried, still purred for us, but it was written all over her that she was going. It was just a matter of time and pain for her, just like for Butterscotch. I feel their purrs were to say, "It's ok, goodbye for now, I love you, I'll be waiting for you when you get over the Bridge too." Like the Meezer's vet, mine also said that often it takes 2 shots when they can't do an IV. Butterscotch was in no pain, and held by someone he loved. I can't think of any better way to go. It's not "putting him down". It's releasing him from otherwise unavoidable suffering. It's so so hard on us, but it's so much kinder than letting them continue to suffer.
Me and the kitties are glad we'll get to meet Frisky. He could keep the same blog in Butterscotch's honor, or start a whole new one just for him. That's up to you guys, and either way is good. Deal with the blogging when you feel you can, though. No rush unless you feel a need to do it right away.
*hugs* and Blessings,
Robyn
At 12:13 AM, Zippy, Sadie, Speedy and M'Gee said…
You did right by Butterscotch. It's worse to let them suffer for our sake, so we can have more time with them, than to gently help them to the bridge. That's the logic, but it still hurts. We'll all say a prayer for you, Frisky and for Butterscotch.
At 1:28 AM, Quinn and Angel brandi said…
Blessings, headbumpies, purrs to your family at this time of loss. We hope that Frisky will be able to continue the blog in Butterscotch's honor.
We try to hold on as long as possible for our loved ones, but sometimes,like the ones who went before me, we need to be helped over the bridge.
My mama was present when both Suki and Sasha were put to sleep. She petted them, and told them she loved them, and they passed hearing her voice and feeling her love.
What a lovely way to pass. You did a wonderful thing.
At 2:37 PM, Fat Eric said…
Hi again Karen
Butterscotch is now one of the Rainbow Gingers being honoured at http://rainbowgingers.blogspot.com . At the moment his picture links to this page, but I will change it to link to his Rainbow Bridge page when you have made one. Hope you like the page.
At 3:41 PM, Daphne said…
Karen,
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Remember the grace and love that Butterscotch brought into your life, and know that he truly had a better life with you in his.
with our love,
Daphne & Chloe
At 5:15 PM, Meowers from Missouri said…
((((dear karen)))), you WERE there for butterscotch, and in doing so, gave him the final best blessing in your life together. you were strong; you were loving; you were THERE! that was what counts. the only thing to be guilty about in a case like this is NOT being there until the end.
all the pierces are so sorry for your loss. the heartache will ease, and eventually only the sweetness of memory will remain. we pray that time comes soon.
love, hugs, & many gentle purrs from
nels, ed, nitro, xing, xena, cocoa, cheryl, & tom
At 5:29 PM, Myst and Blackie said…
Karen,
We agree with the Zoo about feeling guilty. We are sorry for your loss but since we love our furry children & know we will experience their loss some day but they more than make up for the loss during the wonderful time we get to spend with them while they are with us. Our thoughts are with you & Mia & Ghost send headbutts & purrs to you...
Jen, Mia & Ghost
At 8:24 PM, Anonymous said…
Karen: If you read my blog today, you will see that I lost one of my kitties when she was very young. I was holding her when she passed, like you were holding your baby. You made the right choice for Butterscotch. He knew how much you loved him! I have Sixx's ashes in a very special place in our home. Please know that I am thinking of you.
Deb
At 8:50 PM, tiggerprr said…
I am so sorry for your loss! I know it provides little comfort now, but they are never truly gone while they are in your heart.
At 10:15 PM, Katiez Furry Mewz said…
Weze all understands about kitties goin ovur da bridgie. Tanks for leevin a purrsonal note on my bloggie.
Katie Kitty II.
Dear Karen,
Thanks for stopping by. Sandy's illness was liver failure. He passed on rather quickly, but I could still feel his kitty spirit not wanting to go yet cause his Grand-Mommi was cryin.
We purrayed and hugged his limp body until his tigger kittyness leaped through the window and over the bridge.
My mom (Sandy's grand-mommy) had a vision that our precious bouncey Tigger was leaping and playing in a grassy field--happy and free.
Butterscotch loved you very much...
May he be waiting for you.
Purrayers & wotsa wuv.
Reni-Kat & Katie II
At 8:27 PM, Tommy and Teaghan said…
We are so sorry for the loss of Butterscotch. It's hard not to feel guilty but maybe think about how much time you saved him from being in pain. It was wonderful of you to be able to stay with him till the end and hold him and tell him you loved him. Not everyone can do that. Many hugs to you. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
At 8:23 PM, Mark's Mews (Marley, Lori, Taz, and Binq) said…
We are so sorry about Butterscotch. We just learned he went over the Rainbow Bridge, and we came to say we are sorry and hope you are feeling better.
We get uncomfortable when we read about other kitties going over the Bridge, but we know it happens to us all. The Big Thing sometimes holds us close and talks about "The Kitties Who Came Before". His eyes drip water then.
But we think they are both sad drippings and happy drippings. He tells us about kitties that lived with him before we were born, and he is so happy that they spent time with him and made his days happy. But he seems to miss them so much, too.
We just try to snuggle closer to him. Sometimes I (Skeeter) reach up and touch his eyes to stop the dripping, and that makes him smile again.
Remember, you will be reunited to a healthy Butterscotch some day and you both will be holding each other again...
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